A Streetcar Called Taraval

So I’m riding a 71 from downtown with my boyfriend. At Sixth street, a woman begs the driver, “I don’t have any money, I just need to go to the hospital!” The driver doesn’t have time for her story, so he lets her on without fare. She sits in the designated seating, spread across three seats. She’s wearing an ankle-length skirt. She has a stained T-shirt stretched over pendulous breasts that reach her navel. She has a shock of bright pink hair and is about 5’3” and 350. It’s late December, and she’s smiling and wishing a Merry Christmas to all of the riders. All the locals summarily ignore her because we’re used to sixth street crazies on the bus. Then she starts itching her leg. She works her skirt up a little bit and claws at her calf. Whatever. A couple of tourists get on the bus with their muni 3-day passports. They look like a young couple from New England. The woman wishes them a drunk “Merrrrry Christmuss!!” and smiles. They awkwardly exchange a holiday greeting back. This woman has since moved on to itching her inner knee…. Her skirt is hiked up a little bit more, so she can reach it. She’s still overflowing with holiday cheer. We head further and further down Haight street. She starts itching her leg higher and higher. At Fillmore, she’s itching the top of her knee. At Divisadero, she’s itching her outer thigh with her skirt hiked 2” more. We reach Masonic and she has her skirt pushed up around her hips and is itching her vag. She’s not wearing underwear. She’s sitting on this 71, airing out her crotch for this whole bus to enjoy. Still wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, seemingly oblivious to the fact that her crotch is hanging out. No one on the bus dared to make a peep in case she shifted her attention (and unclothed crotch) to face in their direction. We arrive at Stanyan and she gets off at the McDonalds. On her way out, she yelled at the driver, “you never gave me a transfer!!” I’d never seen a driver rip off a transfer and shove it into a rider’s hands as fast as this driver did.